Life at the moment

Hey you guys!!
 So I recently decided to go to college.

 I realize that sounds pretty strange to normal people, so I will explain my odd way of thinking. It's always been a dream of mine to go to college, but that didn't seem possible this year. But then I was depressed and mopey because my sister is leaving me for a job - can you believe that?? and a whole couple states away! - and feeling like I wasn't going anywhere, like I was stuck at home (sorry mom and dad, I really do love you - promise). But then it came to me a few weeks ago - what if I went to college? I spent another hour thinking about it, and after finding enormous peace, I approached my parents about it - but it wasn't until they were telling everyone that I decided for sure for sure good buddy.
 I'm ready. Ready to be independent (the girl who's totally fine with not becoming one of those old responsible people and leaving the comfort of her parents' loving care) and start my life.

 So then, on the way to applying, I discovered that scholarships are not the small trip I thought they'd be - not sure how I thought it'd be like taking a Saturday swim in a little pond, but I found myself diving in the ocean. Pretty big surprise! Yippee!! So much fun!!
 Total sarcasm. I'm suffocating!! I'm drowning!! Quick! Pull me out! I don't like this! Are you the National Guard? The thought of just one essay is enough to give me hives.
 Not to mention all the stuff I have to pay for now. Let's not talk about tuition, I'm still recovering from the spat about the, 'S' word... ugh! (shivers) I have to stretch my meager earnings between: my youth pastor trying to bankrupt me with all the youth events, retreats and camp planned between now and Fall, I now also have to equip myself with all the things my parents have so lovingly provided my whole long life (I am old now, remember). Shampoo, towels, notebooks, sheets, oatmeal, coffee... nnuuuuuuuggghh. No fun, at all.
 Add on that God has gifted me with one of those organized, get-stuff-done-ASAP-or-die-in-the-process personalities, so having to WAIT for my paycheck and budget my already lame funds between my apparently expensive spirituality and necessities for my surviving "the real world" (pray for me), I've been a little bit, well, burnt out recently.

 I know that this is where I need to be going - I'm at peace pursuing this goal, and I'm restless to get going - yet drowning under the waves of scholarships and no longer having nails from chewing them off about the money-thing,  I realized something last night that I used to never forget: God's got this. I can trust Him with all of this - if He wants it done, it will get done, one way or another, it's up to Him. It is NOT up to me (thank goodness!). I do still have to work on stuff everyday but I can trust that what I am doing is enough, that He will take care of the rest.
 Just realizing that what I am worrying about is in His hands, is so relieving! I am in His hands, as are the plans He has for me. He has equipped me for His purpose, not mine, His and He is in charge of making it happen. Praise the LORD I do not have to worry, but trust and do what I can everyday, and He will take what I give and multiply.
 It's so reassuring. To remember that I am not alone. Not ever. Even amidst the scholarships (bleh) and retreats and things (He is greater that mere things), He is here, right beside me, telling me to chill 'cause He's got this.
 "Cast all your cares upon Him and He will give you more things you have to pay for" - NO!
 "And He will give you... rest."
 How wonderful is that?
 Truly, our God is good.
 I'm telling you guys, He loves us. Like a father loves his kids. He's got you, He hasn't forgotten you or your worries. Take your troubles to Him and see how they disappear, fluttering away like pretty butterflies.
 Don't get my wrong, I still have to pay for stuff, but I'm trusting that He will provide - and if not, then I didn't need to buy that hairdryer or go to that retreat.

Love you guys!
  the Winter Old-Person