Just Be There

 I have come to the end of myself. I’ve been trying and trying and trying to make this all better. I can’t. It’s not working. So I took a walk. Yes, in the cold, the rain that turned to snow. I took a walk and I sang to myself. After telling God that I’m trying, I heard Him say “Just be there. Just BE.”

 Romans 12:15 says, “rejoice with those rejoice and weep with those who weep.” (ESV)

 I got the weeping part down-now for the rejoicing.

I have recently realized that I am extremely proud. Really, I've known that all along, but today, I realized it-and, I realized that it is keeping me from ministering to the people group God has called me to minister to, it keeps me from those around me, it keeps me from being able to love and be gracious and humble to those that I am called to-it keeps me from the people I love.

 See, you can’t love people when you continue to think that they are doing it all wrong, that you would NEVER do what they are doing, at least not HOW they are doing it now. You can’t reach a point of, grace, or love or compassion when you have that attitude! I love these people! Really! I’m struggling with showing it-I have to act on that love, to figure out HOW to love. 

 The only way to love, is to know love. Do I know love? I know love, but in my heart, am I believing that I am loved? That I am precious and sought after? That I am not forsaken?

 I've been slowly (but surely) realizing that I cannot fix everyone’s problems or hurt feelings or their broken hearts. It is not within my power. And it is exhausting me!! I am already stressed (if you couldn't tell by my last post) and carrying everyone else’s problems and feelings on my shoulders is not helping-it’s not helping me or them. I cannot be who I need to be, I cannot be the face of Jesus to those I love when I am exhausted and not trusting in Him.

 So I took a walk. I sang to myself. First, Let It Go, which was very comforting until I got to the line “the past is in the past” then I cried and had to move on. Then it was Let It Be but I can only remember the first verse and the chorus, so that got old. Then it was You’ll Be in My Heart, which was comforting. But the songs that really got me where at the end-No Fight Left, by JJ Heller and After All (Not for a Moment) by Meredith Andrews.

 “There is no fight left, on the inside

But maybe that’s where I should be

I've given up trying, I’m giving it all

To You.

 There is no place I can go

Where You don’t already know

How to reach right down and pull me out

I need you

I need you

I need you.”

 And then, reassuringly, this came back from my memory like an old friend…

“After all, You are constant

After all, You are only good

After all, You are Sovereign

Not for a moment

Will you forsake me.”

 Not for a moment, will He forsake me or those that I love. Not now, not ever. He is ever present and gently asking us to come to Him, to surrender, to give up our control and worry and stress and burdens, whether ours or others’, to come home to Him and just, just simply be.

 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)

 Just to be there, with Jesus, to be there for those I love. To weep with them if they are weeping, to sing with them if they are singing, to dance with them if they are dancing, and to rejoicing with them if they are rejoicing. This is the way I can love them. Just to be with them. To be relaxed, and to be myself.

 It is a blessed thing to be at the end of yourself. Because then, and only then, can you come to Jesus.

 I love you all

 Good-Night

-the winter girl